Episode 195: Surrogacy: Finding the Perfect Match – Insights for Intended Parents and Surrogates

Sammi Itatani: I get asked this a lot from surrogate candidates that I speak with. And they’ll ask questions like, do I get to talk to the intended parents outside of appointments? Or will I get updates on the baby? And you know, there’s all sorts of variables to that, but I think, you know, thinking about somebody if you want that relationship, are they someone you’d want to be friends with or introduce to your family and your children? If a surrogate also feels that they want that hands off, you really need to find that match from the start and not assume you’re going to change the relationship during the journey. So that’s why, during introduction calls, we definitely go over all of that to make sure that people are going to mesh well.

With an LGBTQ family, like the two couples that I carried for, you know, when they wanted to start their family, surrogacy was always top of mind. So, relationship wise, I think it made it a little simpler from the start, knowing we wanted to have kind of this big, you know, extended, chosen family during our match.

After the medical clearance, there’s also sort of, you know, you can fall in love a little bit more at that point, but you still have to make it through legal.

Sammi Itatani: I think legal contracts, it sounds kind of like a big, scary word, and it is an intimidating process, especially when it’s 50 to 70 pages of legal jargon that you know, most surrogates probably haven’t had to read through before. During that time, you might not really talk to the intended parents, because you feel as if you should be only communicating with your attorneys. At the same time. I think it’s okay too, to still be in touch during that time.

Carly Vollero: Some people are, you know, texting five times a day, and some people are more in the once-a-week category. But certainly, everybody’s communicating around every milestone and every doctor’s appointment.

• The first thing is something that’s out of everyone’s control, which is, does it work the first time?

• And then the second piece is, how much do you pay your service providers? (Not including the surrogate’s compensation). In an independent journey, maybe you spend $12,000. Then there’s agencies that are charging $60,000+ dollars, right?

• The next most material thing, which is a big question mark, is the insurance piece. So, on the insurance, if you’re lucky enough to have surrogacy friendly insurance, your insurance costs could be close to $5,000 right? Just purchasing life insurance and some optional riders. If you’re, you know, looking at the Affordable Care Act, you know it could be $19,000 depending on the state. And if you’re looking at the private plans, you could be talking about upwards of $30,000 depending on whether it’s a singleton or a twin pregnancy.

• The last piece, which is the big question mark, is, how much do you pay the surrogate? So, I think most intended parents would say, I want to pay the surrogate a lot right and compensate the person who’s doing the heavy lifting.

Sammi Itatani: The two biggest things that I tell surrogates that really sets Nodal apart:

• The first one is matching. We allow our surrogates to see multiple families, multiple sets or of intended parents, and we allow them to meet with multiple intended parents, if they would like as well, before ultimately making their decision on who they want to partner with.

• The second piece is that Nodal does allow their surrogates to create their own personalized compensation plan. I know that that can seem a little different when normally the compensation is just laid out in front of you and presented as to what you will be paid, but we really feel that it’s not a one size fits all plan, and sometimes that can be, you know, lower or higher in the middle, and that’s okay. We want every surrogate to feel really comfortable with their decision and what they’re going to be compensated for, you know, specific line items. 

Carly Vollero: On the intended parent side with Nodal, I think it’s a really special way to find a match, because the first part is, is that you know that the surrogate picked you, so they swiped right on you. It is just really cool to not have the match happen behind a curtain, to have the people who are involved in the match, in the driver’s seats and deciding whose story makes the most sense for them. So, I’m very proud of what we’re building at Nodal.